|photo by Patricia Herlevi, Angels in the Sky|
Let's start with the tension felt by a couple when separation is inevitable. The couple has tried therapy, learned better communication skills, but the spark has left, and so have any reasons for keeping the relationship together. This stage also reveals the inner workings of each person in the couple, if they tune into that silent space inside them. The souls yearn for a different life, and not just the grass looking greener in the neighbor's yard.
For this stage, I recommend Carol King's Too Late http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSep7QJXKlE
Once the couple faces the truth and goes through the excruciating separation, they begin the dark night of the soul. One person stays behind in the house that was once shared while the other moves into a new space that feels empty. Memories of better times haunt both people, usually, and they fight the urge to return to an unworkable situation. The ego cannot just let go and ride the adventure into the unknown not yet. However, because of the empty feeling, either person might have a sexual fling, start drinking, or look for some other mode of escape to curb the emptiness and disappointment or guilt.
Since this is still a realization stage, I'm recommending the Wailin' Jennys' Something to Hold Onto, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CJR6H2rPVo
More evolved souls might move through this stage quicker than others, especially people who practice self-love. For these folks I recommend The Wailin' Jennys again, Heaven When We're Home, (this has some humor too), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOQNnnT2YVs
Others will delve deeper into the darkest of the night. I recommend Dead Can Dance, Host of the Seraphim (you could also substitute a requiem), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpMNXEY_tio and if you don't feel this heavy of grief, then substitute Stevie Wonder's All in Love is Fair, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OMmV1v9DWA
Now out of the denial stage, anger and outrage takes over. Music therapists and other therapists would ask their clients to find healthy outlets to vent the anger (while replacing the removed energy with more peaceful energies). A person could feel anger in the form of sadness too. I recommend listening to fados, American blues, or flamenco songs. I also recommend dancing to West African drums or some other type of music that helps the person ground themselves in reality.
Here is flamenco diva Estrella Morente singing at her father's funeral, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZtwQRW5220 (you can find plenty of flamenco songs on YouTube). or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5O3duvlEeY&feature=related
And finally after full emergence into the world, I recommend George Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U40xBSz6Dc
Well, you get the picture, substitute any of the above songs to suit your needs. And don't forget to keep a music journal.